The English poet George Herbert popularized the saying “Living well is the best revenge.” If you’ve been jilted, betrayed or absolutely flattened by disappointment, you know the emotional pain that comes with heartbreak can feel devastating, and the road to living well – to feeling well – can be anything but straight and smooth.
Heartbreak can knock over even the sturdiest of egos. Heartbreak can leave us feeling depressed, angry, defeated and deprived. It can make us believe that we are unworthy, unlovable and undesirable. When we lose someone we love, a future we were looking forward to, or a treasured relationship, the world can seem very dark. We run the gamut of difficult feelings, perhaps not wanting to feel what we feel, but not knowing how to move on. And it can feel like things will never change.
So how do we cope? How do we get through the pain to a place where we can truly find peace, acceptance and relief?
There is no direct path out of the pain. The hurt may sneak up at odd times, or be a constant ache. The passing of time helps; perspectives can change when we have some distance from the shock of the actual loss.
Have you ever had your heart-broken? Probably, yes. Some people might think that it’s not even possible to get your heart broken at this age but trust me, it is. This is the age when you’re realizing who you are. This is the age you realize that the world is a cruel place and that you have to protect yourself from it. This is the age when you want to try everything and this is the age when you get your heartbroken. You trust people, you put your faith in them, you “love” them and what do they do? They leave and they leave you heartbroken. Now, at an age like this where you do not even know who you are, what are you supposed to do with that broken heart? How are you supposed to heal it when it feels like it’s the end of the world?
What are you supposed to do when your heart is shattered and you can’t make it through every single day pretending that nothing happened. Why do we even pretend? Why are we in such a hurry to get over it? Because the people around us tell us to. They tell you to put yourself back together and just forget about it, but is it that easy? Is it that easy to fix something that’s broken?
Your heart, your feelings are very vulnerable and fragile and no it is not easy to just “get over it”. Well, what causes a heartbreak? The answer to that question does not exist. A heart-break can be caused by anything that hurts you. Remember that guy? Your “first love”? Did he leave and make you feel miserable about everything around you, did he shatter your dreams? Did he break your heart? Or was it that group of friends who you fit in really well with? Those friends that you did so much for, those friends that said they’ll always be there for you? Did they break your heart? Or was it that best friend who just left without giving you a reason?
Or do we just break our own hearts? We make up these perfect scenarios in our heads of how things should be. We expect things to happen. We expect too much at times and that is what breaks our hearts. We get shattered when things don’t go our way.
It hurts. It aches with every beat of your heart. Sometimes it hurts so much that you just want to stop breathing or you feel you can’t breathe any longer, so that your heart can stop beating and you won’t have to feel anymore.
Your head spins. You are going to fight a battle every day to hold on or to just let go. You won’t know what to do. You feel yourself forget. You begin to feel okay at times, but you won’t as you feel guilty of being normal or okay when the world around you has just collapsed leaving you heartbroken, shattered, and devastated.
These emotions, this mess, it drives you crazy and you don’t know what to do with yourself. After a while, people expect you to be okay and just go on normally but how can you go on normally when your own thoughts are killing you inside? People say they understand, but you never believe them.
Well, you know what the truth is? All of us go through it sometime or the other in our lives. Everyone is fighting a battle but some people are just better at hiding it than others.
However, at some point, you have to make a decision and move on because boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So you can waste your lives drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. However, remember that it is okay not to be okay. The secret to a happy heart is complex but the easy answer is to embrace everything while it lasts. Over time, people grow distant and cold, lose sight and come apart and despite our best efforts we can’t always protect our hearts.
While some heart breaks may never heal or go away entirely, we can learn to carry them tenderly with us while moving on to better times, ending up with a richer, deeper life, with new joys and the ability to pass on our resiliency to others who will need it.